What is Love, actually?
by Kizu-89
Summary: This is kind of sequel to my fic 'I hurt you' but it can be read without reading that. It is written and once read trought , non betat. Riza takes care of Roy after his suicide attempt and doesn't feel bad for using questinable methods to keep him alive..


**Heyp. This is a oneshot (I think it will stop here, but if someone wants to get more I can think about it…) My only warning is going to be because of my crappy English skills that I try to make better by writing stuff. Since I am not so good with language you all that dislike badly written stories should hit the back button up there and fast. The story begins… Now.**

**Oh and I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any part of it. **

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I feel her hands on my face when she massages gently. I think it is for relaxing me in this damned hospital… Where I wouldn't be in the first place, if I had more brains. That is what she says thought.

She visits me every day many times even. I am not sure what she told to the military or the general above me, but it seems that I am allowed to work as a colonel still after this. It is a surprise that I am thankful of.

When she isn't here I usually look at the seiling, or try to read books, if I am allowed I walk around a little too. Doctor says that if nothing else pops up, I will be released today, or tomorrow. Riza has already promised to take me to her apartment and keep an eye on me.

I feel kind of depressed now that I think about it. Even visiting the psychiatrist didn't help my moods and Riza seems to start notice it too.

She actually made me promise not to try killing myself before trying to talk about it with her, even if we had had a fight. I feel bad for those things I have done. It can't be helped; the pain can't be taken away.

That psychiatrist says that it is good that I can feel pain for what I have done, but I should try and use it to my advantage. I don't know how that can be done either. Riza is the only one that has right to keep me alive because she is the one that I gave permission to end my life if I strayed from my original plans.

Havoc and Edward came to see me too. Edward seems to be at loss; as if he couldn't figure out if it would be good to yell at me. In the end Alphonse that came just a half minute later prevented Edward from yelling at me. It made me kind of sad that Ed didn't rise to my carefully planned baiting and stayed calm as he could…

I still feel weak, probably because I was in coma state for that long time, and even after that they haven't been letting me to walk enough.

The doctors say that I can go with Riza and I get my own non-military clothes to put on. Riza stays even thought I protest against it rather loudly and helps me when I almost fall my other foot stuck in the trousers. She doesn't say anything about it and casually lifts the shirt waiting me to give up and let her put it on while I hold my hands up like a little child.

After I am ready she takes papers and sings those before taking my hand and leading me to the military car where Havoc is waiting for us. He greets us with out his usual cigarette.

Whole drive to Hawkeyes place is silent. Actually murderous kind of silent that makes you want to crawl under your bed or desk and refuse to come out. That is, when Riza is on her murderous moods, once in a while.

Now I don't have a luxury of cover and her eyes make me feel like she is gazing right inside me. Maybe she sees something there that she wants to kill or something…

I shudder when we walk trough her apartment door and she locks it behind us. Is it really too late to ask for Havoc to take me instead? I think so.

She sighs and come closer to me taking my hand on hers. The soft feeling of the touch makes me wonder if she is mad at me anymore. I feel how she lifts my hand with hers and starts gently to tug me to come after her.

I can't resist and softly pat after her soft steps. I notice suddenly that we are heading towards the bedroom, the door is a little ajar and I can see white clean sheets on the double sized bed.

I am pushed to the bed and kept down by Riza's hands. I am not scared for anything that she can do to me so I keep still waiting for permission to get comfortable. She pushes a little more and I feel little bit pain when she twists my hand a little behind my back.

I hear how she exhales and then when I try to look at her she brings her hand down slapping my face with quite a force. I can't keep myself from whimpering and she lets go of my hand to caress my now very red cheek.

"You should think before you act…" She whispers and kisses my cheek, waiting for me to answer.

"I am sorry…" I say and I think that she is going to slap me again when she lifts her hand from me quickly. She doesn't have it on her mind thought and she urges me to get wholly on the bed, before getting there next to me. She slowly lies right next to me and I start get curious about her odd behaviour.

"Roy… I haven't said this in a long, long time… I love you." She says and kisses me lightly looking at me with her sharp eyes that resemble me from hawk.

"I love you too… And I am really sorry about … what I did, you know. I don't know if I will try it again or anything, but at that time it felt like a good idea. I haven't told you about it before, but Hughes was the one to save me from myself before he…" I say and suddenly feel a lot like crying, even if I have promised to myself to be strong. Riza just looked at my eyes and nodded slightly before laying her head on my shoulder. It made me feel kind of special and wrap my hands around her.

There we lay side by side for a long time.

I didn't even notice when I fell asleep, but the looks of it, it was a long time ago. Riza is no where to seen and it's already darkening on the outside. I get up and start to make my way towards the kitchen. that is before a shower door is slammed open and I get hit by it. I stumble backwards and she lets out a surprised shout before peeking around it and coming to me. I am slightly puzzled about sitting at the floor and the blood that is running from a little wound on my eye brown. She forgets about the towel and I enjoy about seeing her naked just before she touches my face tilting it to see the wound better. It actually hurt and I pull back feeling light headed.

"Keep still you idiot, it seems to be deep!" She tells me and sits right beside me before trying to touch it again making me pull back violently, damn that really hurts! I feel like puking and scramble on my feet before taking about ten steps to the bathroom and puking on the toilet.

She comforts me and just turns my head to see how deep my wound is while I try to keep my eyes from watering anymore than they are already.

"It is okay Roy, calm down… I didn't mean to slam it to your face." She says and goes to get first-aid kit from shelf.

She tries to be gentle while wiping the blood away, but it still stings rather bitingly and I can't keep still all the time. She presses a clean pad against it and wraps it securely on place. After that I can't actually open my other eye too well, but in the other end it already had started to swell shut before. We go to the kitchen and she makes some food for both of us.

We eat in silence, just the clinking of the utensils covering our breathing. I feel slightly bad still, but she reassures me gently and takes my clothes of, before tucking me under the blankets. She hums to me and lies right next to me while petting my hair slightly as if to soothe me to sleep.

"Roy…"

"What?" I ask and can't think anything other than that something bad is going to happen and soon…

"We might be getting a baby."

I turn this around in my head for a while before trying to come in terms with it. I feel really strange about that one. I wonder why she thinks that.

"Why would you think that?" I ask carefully, before looking at her face that seems to be avoid of any emotions. I can't tell, if she feels happy or bad about the words she said just before.

"…Because my period has been late for two and half weeks now. It isn't sure yet, but I wanted to tell you before it gets too late to… you know." She says still avoiding all feelings that this must be bringing up in her. I feel surprised and kind of happy about it. She is the one that I love after all.

"... I also want that if I am pregnant that you will promise to me that you won't even consider a suicide again. Because if you kill your self then who will be it's daddy?" Riza asks from me and I suddenly just feel urge to hug her tightly. It is kind of dream come true…

"I promise. I promise with my heart!" I say and kiss her before snuggling and sighing comfortable.

"You know Havoc, You were right that he wont be doing anything dramatic again after He heard that I was 'pregnant'."

"Yeah, I know that it isn't right to lie to him and I kind of feel like betraying him too."

"Mm… But this is for his own good."

"… He promised to me that he would give his life on my hands and damn it if I am not keeping it. I don't want to lose him, Havoc…"

"Hah, We women are quite planning when we want something, remember that."

"Okay, I will go now and make sure that I don't need to lie too much longer. He is good like that you know, when I said that this makes me want more with him…"

Long fingers caress the photo of two young men and stops at the shorter.

"You know that I am keeping good care of him, don't you? Keep the office running and try not to tease Edward about his height, Okay? Bye!"

After that she walks back to the bed room where a sleeping man lays under the bed covers. He looks younger when asleep and she makes her way over the bed and under the covers. There she sights and makes herself comfortable against strong shoulder, before letting sleep to come over. She thinks about things that they can do in the future and silently thanks higher powers about having him still with her.

There is no need to rush things when it is going in the right direction.

**Yup, this is kind of odd feeling story, but hey I haven't been writing anything in a long time… At least I think so. Last one was maybe half month ago. I am sorry for my crappy English, but you didn't have any need to read it if you thought I write crappy English, remember? There is a back button there too. ;)**

**Kizu-89**


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